Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
