I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
