i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
