And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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