If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
