girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
