I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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