Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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