I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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