I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
