now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
