question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
