Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
