I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
