i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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