I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
