Duck Duck Cougar?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
