you would pick up someone in the library
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
