I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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