So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
