How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
