eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
