so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
