so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
