If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
