So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
