Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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