i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
