Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
