her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
