New invention idea: vibrating tampons
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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