end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
