An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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