he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
