Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
