I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
