My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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