The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
