Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
