The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
