bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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