Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
