I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
