why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
