we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
