Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
