Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I want a musical about memes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
