"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
