I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
