you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
