My girlfriend figured out who you are.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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